FINAL

This class has been amazing. I have learned so much...especially about the people i choose to work with. I have enjoyed having a teacher who loves to teach as much as you do ms. eastman and i pray that you have the best of luck in the future in whatever you do. I'm not sure exactly what to reflect on except the silly things that have hapened in this class. I will miss you so much. and have an amazing summer. I will visit you and i will find you on facebook.

i am so happy that i am with my boo. he is such a sweetheart. he is so much better than jamar. he treats me so amazing and it makes me wonder why i was ever with jamar in the first place and why i cried so hard when we broke up. it all seems so.....stupid now.

Ne-Yo Because of You

[Verse 1]
Want to but I can't help it
I love the way it feels
It's got me stuck between my fantasy and what is real
I need it when I want it
I want it when I don't
Tell myself I'd stop everyday, knowing that I won't

[Hook #1]
I've got a problem and I (don't know what to do about it)
Even if I did I don't know if i would quit
But I doubt and I'mTaken by the thought of it
And I know this much is true
Baby, you have become my addiction
I'm so strung out on you
I can barely move...but I like it

[Chorus]
And it's all because of you (all because of you)
So, and it's all because of you (all because of you)
And it's all because of you (all because of you)
So, and it's all because...Never get enough
She's the sweetest drug

[Verse 2]
Think of it every second
I can't get nothing done
Only concern is the next time, I'm Gon' get me some
Know I should stay away from 'cause it's no good for me
I try and and try but my obsession, won't let me leave

[Hook #1]
I've got a problem and I (don't know what to do about it)
Even if I did I don't know if i would quit
But I doubt and I'mTaken by the thought of it
And I know this much is true
Baby, you have become my addiction
I'm so strung out on you
I can barely move...but I like it

[Chorus]
And it's all because of you (all because of you)
So, and it's all because of you (all because of you)
And it's all because of you (all because of you)
So, and it's all because...Never get enough
She's the sweetest drug

[Hook #2]
Ain't no doubt
So strung out
Ain't no doubt
So strung out

I Write..... By: My Mother....Makeda Brown

I WRITE TO KEEP MY DREAMS ALIVE, MY FEARS ASIDE, AND MY FAITH ON FIRE

I WRITE TO REMEMBER THE PAST TO MAKE HOPE LAST AND TO QUENCH MY DESIRES

I WRITE TO FOLLOW MY HEART, TO KNOW WHERE TO START AND TO KNOW WHERE I'M GOING

I WRITE TO BELIEVE IN MY DESTINY

TO UNDERSTAND MY HISTORY AND...

TO LIVE ETERNALLY.

I WRITE TO GIVE OF MY SOUL, TO KNOW WHERE TO GO, AND TO HOPE THAT I GET THERE

I WRITE TO TOUCH PARTS OF YOU THAT YOU REALLY NEVER KNEW NEEDED MY ATTENTION

I WRITE TO FULLFILL MY PURPOSE, EXPLORE MY HEART AND ENLIGHTEN MY SPIRIT.

I WRITE TO ALWAYS MOVE FORWARD

TO NEVER LOOK BACK AT THE...

THINGS THAT I DID THAT GOT ME OFF TRACK

I WRITE TO EXPRESS MY PAIN AND HAPPINESS, TO FOREVER BE ETCHED IN TIME

AND TO KNOW THAT ALL I WANT TO HAVE CAN AND WILL BE MINE

I WRITE FOR A FUTURE THAT IS STILL TO COME, FOR THE BROKEN AND UNDEFEATED

THE OLD...AND

THE YOUNG

I WRITE FOR MY TRIUMPHS, I WRITE FOR MY PAINS

I WRITE WHEN THE SKY CLEANSES ME WITH ITS RAINS

I WRITE FOR MY SANITY... AND MAYBE YOURS TOO

AND I'LL CONTINUE TO WRITE FOR ME...

AND FOR YOU.

my goal.

the biggest goal i have for myself for the rest of the year is not to let my focus sink any further. school is no longer my top priority and i can't wait to be out of here. May 24 cannot come any faster. i know that i got at least one scholarship for next year and that makes me extremely happy. woooohooo. tatiana is on a rollll!

WHO IS JACK SCHITT?????

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!' Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way. Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt. Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them. Sincerely, Crock O. Schitt

for once.....

for once in my life i have found that comfort zone.....that place where everything seems to be right and going your way.....it's nice to feel this way for once. i got one of the central scholarships that my dad thought i wasn't gonna get because i'm such a horrible student. i have the most amazing boyfriend who's friends and family love me. i am the most happy person in the world. he makes me feel like i am the most important person in the world and i love that about him. he is perfect.

if i had....

if i had a megaphone and could say nething that the world would hear it would be this....
...."life is too short to waste it on petty bullshit. take care of yourself and the one's you love and everything will be right with the world. spend less time crying and more time laughing. work less and play more...for life is too short to waste it being unhappy."

i truly do believe that life is too short and that people take advantage of the good fortune they have. so live life for today and don't live in the past...cuz you can't change yesterday but you can fix it tomorrow.

[untitled]

when you've done
all that i've done

and you've seen
the things i've seen

you'll understand why
it's so hard for me to cry

when i long for your touch
and the dark is too much

when my days run together
like gray skies and stormy weather

when my fears reach their peak
and it's comfort that i seek

the tears simply won't come
though the blood, it will run

you know nothing of my pain
and how it keeps me far from sane

how you are the sole reason
my life is stuck in this dreary season

the clock keeps ticking on
though the time is never gone

it's right here in my mind
-all i have and lack is time

BULLSHIT

whoever decided it would be funny to leave class and f*** up everything for everyone else. Thanks. I thank you from the bottom of my heart that you are too ridiculously stupid to realize that some one might notice that you are gone. I don't give a f*** if you read this and are pissed that i said this, but maybe you should f****** think before you act, and the consequences of what you do. I have no respect for you and how you continue to push Miss E's buttons until she finally snapped...on a day that you weren't even here to reap the consequences. Good f****** job. Hope your smart enough sense the hostility i have towards you.

add two blogs.

slowly the sun is setting
on the open book of my life
no reasons for forced forgetting
no time for pain and strife
pages have been revised and edited
by lies my memory told me
though my heart is to be credited
and i still feel i'm running on empty
love is the drug i'm strung on
addicted to hallucinations of me and you
the high never lasted long
always short, sweet, and long overdue
look past the pages i've removed
our story lies in that black ink
excluding that which could have been improved
you never were my missing link

Sometimes when you win, you lose.

Almost every time you gain something...you lose something in return. Nothing good comes without something bad....most of the time. What can you do about it? Absolutely nothing. It's just the way the world works. No one is exempt from this rule of the world. It's how God meant for it to be.

justin timberlake concert was amazing. the rest of the weekend was pretty much just crap. me and my ex had another falling out last night. pretty much i hope he never calls me back again...ever. that would make my life so much easier. i'm so tired of him not bein able to make up his mind and then making it seem like i'm treating him so wrong. I mean what is it that i've done to him that is so wrong.? absolutely nothing.

I like this guy named justin now. he is amazing. funny. loud. cute. veryy veryy cute.... hopefully it lasts.....

so basically girls are the most dramatic creatures living. they're basically not happy unless they're upset about something or another. which is absolutely ridiculous. i wish that people would just forget about somethings....cuz some stuff is just not worth getting upset over and causing a big commotion over. it's completely a waste of time and energy.
i can't wait until my dad comes home tomorrow. this is the first time i have felt this way in a looooooong time. i usually hate it when my dad comes home....but i can't wait until tomorrow. the justin timberlake concert is on saturday. my friend amanda is coming down from rockford and she's goin to stay at my house friday and saturday night. on saturday we're goin to get our nails done and we're goin shopping!! yay. which i haven't done in a while. so i am for sure looking forward to that. sunday is our cheerleading banquet. i'm kind of sad it's all bout to be over. but thrilled at the same exact time. woohoo. i will finally have a life again. i'm so happy.

so me and jamar don't talk at all anymore. he is a mess and i can't take his dramatic bullcrap anymore. i wish that he would just go away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why can't he be a normal ex boyfriend? no he's got to be this flippin creep who has to be a complete ass. but w.e. me and maddy are friends again. how weird. her and i have a lot of catching up to do. i missed talking to her so much. guess that sounds so gay huh.....no homo tho. i'm bored out of my mind. JT concert sat. and i get ungrounded.

Well good for me i broke up with him, and we are completely done. No more wondering if we can make it and all that other stuff. I have two new guys that I am very interested in. They are both amazing and sweet.....for right now at least. I get to hang out with one of them today before I go to work and that is quite exciting for me. :-D

surgery was interesting. but most everyone heard that story already....and they all know how i'm compulsively bleeding from the throat area. but that's alright. don't you hate it when you are in a super just depressed mood and you look at old pictures of you being happy and goofy and you're like.....where the hell did that go? when did i become this miserable person who dwells on a guy who isn't worth shit? when did i lose all respect for myself and my wants and needs? when did i stoop down to being with some one i love more than life....but he doesn't feel the same? in all honesty....i would rather be with some one who loves me like there's no tomorrow, who worships me and treats me like i'm queen of the world.....even if i wasn't completely head over heels for them..... it's so much better than being in love with some one who isn't in love with you. and that's what i need to come to terms with....he is not in love with me. and i need to get over that and move on.....is this possible? WE shall SEEE.

him.

how many times is it possible to go back to some one until you notice they are completely wrong for you. i can't take this anymore. i thought he loved me and i thought i felt the same. but he proved me wrong. told me how unhappy he was and how imperfect i am. yes i am outspoken but that is me. and he wants me to change? how do i change myself.? how do i change what is me? supposedly he's lowered his standards for me. i'm not pretty enough. i'm too tall. i'm fat. i talk too much. and i don't give him enough space. I SEE HIM ONCE A WEEK FOR GOD'S SAKE. i don't know what he expects me to do. am i supposed to stop eating? put weights on my head in hopes of shrinking my bones? stop talking so that i don't offend you? be for real. and get a clue. i am me. if i haven't changed thus far. i probably won't. f**k you.

Sonnet (ababcdcd cdecde)

memories are all that she's taking

of what they used to know

the future they were making

and the dreams they had in tow

darkness strangles her light

condeming her to hell in mind

comfort finds her wrapped in the night

swaying to a rhythm no ear can find

tears fall from eyes shut tight

red shimmers from wrists lined

words muffled by hands over ears

can't take another day, another fight

today she will leave it all behind

voices seem to fade as tomorrow nears

yeah

so i'm in a relationship that my other half is not happy with. i lost my best friend. my birthday's tomorrow and i want to die. i don't want to do anything. i just want to take a shower and cry. best cry you'll ever have. dueces

yesterday

in the days to come

you will fade

my strength will remain

but you?

you will fade

what i knew

what i wanted

what i would never be

all you are will fade

take with you my shame

my worries and my regrets

i am stepping forward

leaving you to fade

into what i once knew

looking back is not an option

for you will be left

to dwell in what once was

and what might be

i am moving forward

with hope and determination

and you?

well you are fading.

thoughtful

When you love someone all your saved-up wishes start coming out.

Love is as much of an object as an obsession, everybody wants it, everybody seeks it, but few ever achieve it, those who do will cherish it, be lost in it, and among all, never... never forget it.

The heart has its reasons that reason knows nothing of.


Sometimes it's a form of love just to talk to somebody that you have nothing in common with and still be fascinated by their presence. ~David Byrne


Love is a game that two can play and both win.


Poetry spills from the cracks of a broken heart, but flows from one which is loved.


The heart has its reasons that reason knows nothing of.

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.


Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart.


You learn to like someone when you find out what makes them laugh, but you can never truly love someone until you find out what makes them cry.

When love is not madness, it is not love.

Love is the poetry of the senses.

True love stories never have endings.


I have had my experiences with "love" and what I thought love was. But that cannot compare to anything that I feel around *you* or *him* for those of you who are reading this. He is that person that makes me smile through my tears, and thinks I'm beautiful despite my flaws. He knows everything about me, even those little things that you think go unnoticed. Like the fact that I hold my breath when I get scared, or that purple is my favorite color but I own little to no clothes that are purple. Is it possible for someone to know you inside out? And if they do...how do you know that they are the person you are meant to be with?

-Tati

7 months in 2 days.

Me and Danielle have made up....though I'm sure that surprises no one. I'm of course still grounded and completely bored most of the time. I haven't seen Jamar in a week or so and I'm about ready to pound on his ex girlfriend. Stupid Girl! I have to work today at 3, which I really do not feel like doing. But it's money right? I'm not feeling creative at all because half the time I'm pissed off and the other half of the time I'm busy with school, work, cheerleading, and sleep. Yeah my life is pretty much screwed over right now. I'm not even looking forward to my birtday which is in 12 days. I'm really tired of everything really. Uggghhhh. That's about all I have to say right now. Good luck with the rest of your guys' weekends.

-Tee

Unfortunate

Me and my best friend have had a falling out. She says that we should not be friends anymore because I am going to OU next year and she's going to EMU. She says we will never see eachother and there is no point in trying to remain friends when we will just fall apart anyways. I didn't know how to hadle myself yesterday. I cried for so long that I had to go to bed at 8:30, because I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. Everyone says that she'll get over it; that she's stubborn. But no one knows her as well as I do. She has never been like this with me before. Ever. I don't know what to do, or say. But whatever I guess. I guess I have to get over it right??

I'm still grounded...until March 21. Woohoo. You know I'm thrilled. My birthday is in 16 days. And I get my tonsils taken out *finally* in 22 days. I'm so excited to have these things out of my mouth.

I'm so bored with school and ready to graduate. Can anyone make these next few months go any faster please???

-Tati

[40] words.

faces. blurred. heated lights.

bodies. unified. summer nights.

colors. movement. music plays.

heartfelt. emotion. she sways.

beat. rhythm. eyes closed.

feeling. lust. passion exposed.

pills. bottles. innocence lost.

blood. pain. skin embossed.

laughter. money. no receipts.

tears. shame. soiled sheets.

[untitled]

he is the reason she breathes

and the reason that she falls

he builds her up

then tears down her walls

leaving her vulnerable

exposed to all impurites

he feeds on her weaknesses

adding to her insecurities

the bruises...they fade

lost memories on her face

look past the fake smile

the pain will take it's place

College....

So I think I finally have an idea of where I am going to school next year. Isn't that amazing!!! I am thrilled! I hate being grounded though and that is exactly what I am right now. Grounded. And my father really isn't speaking to me that much because he is sooooo disappointed in me. But we all know how that goes. Things are really just wishy washy in my life right now. I am really confused as to what I want and how I plan on getting it. But I know that it is just a phase and eventually that will pass right? Just like my dad's overbearing parenting will pass right? uggghhhh. HELP

Black/White

I am black and white.

Neither different, nor the same.

I am what you want, but nothing you need.

Having no difinitive name.

I am here and there.

Never wild, never tame.

I am everything, yet nothing.

The one thing that never came.

I am your gain and your loss.

Something forever to blame.

I am your pain and your pleasure.

The key player in the game.

I am black and white.

Forever different, and forever the same.

wow.

I had a crazy interesting weekend, that again has ended with me being grounded. Big surprise right? Well since this is my first blog I thought it would be appropriate to open it up with the drama of my life. How fun is that? I thought it was quite fun. Well my job at lifetime is still amazing and I love it. Worked 10 hours this weekend while juggling around cheerleading and getting in trouble. But what's new? Yeah, this weekend was odd and I wasted too much gas and time on people that don't mean anything! Love my life!! Can you sense the sarcasm??

-Tatiana